Lifeboat

(Entry backdated)

I've just been through one of the hardest 5-6 day stretches I can remember. The regulatory audit felt grueling; the last time we went through it I wasn't present - not sure why though probably just because I was working a part-time occasional schedule. I feel very proud of how we did but it was a constant scramble under the sort of pressure that went past difficult and into truly debilitating - my muscles hurt, my face was gray and drawn, felt like there was just no inner space of peace or calm, nothing but unrelenting pressure. It's the kind of thing where you welcome the scrutiny - besides the fact that it's an ongoing requirement - because it confirms that your clients have the best possible representation, and you learn things that you can do better. And the examiners were good and decent people, conscientious about their job but pleasant in their interactions. But it's also like a test for which you can't study, you can only rely on having never missed a detail, never having looked out the window or let your attention wander, and knowing where every piece of paper is too. And to pass requires a perfect score.

The lifeboat was Kari and Erin's stepping in to take care of Hunter every day. What a godsend to drop him off as soon as they opened in the early morning in order to get to work a couple hours early, and know that for the next 12 hours I didn't have to worry about him for a single minute. They were really the only other people who saw me during this, and from their feedback I gather I was projecting as someone to be worried about. Without my mom here as backup now, I just don't know how I could have coped - there would have been no moments that I could leave or do anything to have taken care of him. It was a hard week anyway but it didn't impact his well-being - he hadn't been in daycare for several days in a row before, long days too, but he handled it and I'm so grateful to them for that care. Also grateful to Nancy, who offered to foot the bill as a demonstration of her own thanks.