Land of the living

I'm not completely there but I can see it from here. (And the land of the living is pretty cold today at -2F.) In an abstract way I'm worried about all that didn't get done with this unprecedented five days off, there are so many critical FOP deadlines that this time was supposed to address. And yes, there's still today but I am so weak yet that I know not much will get done against that mountain of work. My mind feels tired and out of focus.

Late last night my phone rang with the gang up at Lake Louise, telling me they had gone through the beer and were into the tequila (I could have guessed) and were playing Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. In my first opportunity as the phone-a-friend, I failed dismally (I didn't know India even had its own rhino much less how many horns it had, though if I'd had more than 20 seconds it probably would have come to me) and lost Robert and Erin $250,000 in fake money. Er, well, I hope it was fake money. However, I must have retained some credibility as they called me back later for a question of word pronunciation (that one I knew).

Kari said they'd had to stay in most of the weekend because the overflow on the ice is too dangerous to do much snowmachining. It was -28F there last night. It was fun to be on speakerphone and hear all the laughter.

Spending several days here at home, once the fever broke, has also confimed the fact that MY HEAT ISN'T REALLY FIXED YET. Looks like +64F is my upper limit on both floors of the house now and I just didn't realize it. My landlord came and fiddled yesterday but Rome didn't burn. With the much colder temps last night, the living room dropped to +58F. I'm ready to return to the good old days when it was 85 degrees upstairs and no heat downstairs, at least I could choose my biosphere then.

On a more philosophical note, I also had an email exchange last night with a friend who's also single and lives alone - she commented on how horrid it is to be so sick and alone, perhaps a preview of our older years. But how valued are the simplest things in life as we emerge from illness. I have been feeling so grateful for things like my dog's being willing to lie next to me for a few minutes when I shook with uncontrollable chills. For being able to get up and get dressed and spending more of the day sitting instead of sleeping. For the taste of a cold ginger ale even though I could only handle a few sips before the chill set in. I thought for a while yesterday about how damned grateful I was for the pain and fever to have stopped, and wondered how much worse it is for anyone who is experiencing real illness long-term. Well, I don't need to wonder because I can remember those years for myself. But I did get better - I just didn't have any assurance that I would, so lived in a protracted state of fear and frustration and defeat. (hey wait, how is that any different from now exactly?)

Such elemental parts of life come into stark relief, and I would like to keep that clarity. I would like to keep it while living comfortably at +70F too.