...and to all a good night

It's been a lovely day. Up early to do some chores and errands and by 9am we were on the road driving north to the valley, just as NPR began to broadcast the Festival of Nine Lessons & Carols from King's College. Perfect timing! I relaxed into my seat and let the music fill me. My mind's eye picturing the tradition of how among the young boys who sing the treble, none of them knows which of them is to sing the opening solo, "Once in royal David's city..." until the director's cue. Are they nervous? They're trained singers, but they're also little boys. I hold my breath a little until that small voice is all the way through the first verse and the men's voices arise to move the music on.

The drive was very cloudy and dark. Stopped by George & Becky's to leave some presents. Sat in Allen's living room (I love that he puts up a tree now that he's Alexa's grandpa) and had coffee and visited. By the time I headed home, the sun was finally up. Moved quietly through the day with our tree aglow and with all my favorite holiday CDs playing. Shoveled off the deck, shoveled out the driveway. I have been telling people we had around 6 inches of snow yesterday but my deck measured 11". Heavy, wet. Back aching a little when done. I love shoveling snow. Feels like you can see what you did when you're done. And was a good neighbor by providing first aid when little Zoe next door cut her paw. Will check on her tomorrow.

Back inside to make a delicious Christmas Eve dinner for Keith's visit tonight. So nice to take the evening to chat, share a bottle of wine, enjoy a truly outstanding meal (we had to establish a moratorium on the compliments eventually), and watch It's A Wonderful Life while spoiling dear Hunter generally.

After he left, Hunter and I curled up together turned out all the lights except the tree, and listened to Patrick Stewart's "A Christmas Carol" CD. That's a Christmas Eve tradition that I've so missed the last few years.

My heart is full. Some of it leaked out tonight. I guess this is a time of year when we reflect, and there are some rifts in my life that I just don't understand yet. And perhaps am not meant to know why the paths of some have diverged from mine. But in truth, those thoughts came to me more in the context of gratitude all day for the relationships that are real and ongoing. I thought of the friends I visited today and of Michele and Chuck with whom I'll celebrate tomorrow. These are some of the inner circle, the ones I'd go to the end of the earth for, and I know they would for me because they already have. When I have been in free fall and could do nothing but reach out blindly, these are just some of the strong hands that have gripped mine surely and pulled me to safety.

All of these relationships have in common the absolute ease which underpins them. There are no flares of temper, no hurtful misunderstandings, no posturing bullshit. There's tremendous trust and resilience, in the simple assumption that our friendship is strong and honest and enduring. No wondering What did he mean by that? or How can I get through to her? Never has to happen. We are open and known to each other as our best selves. Even as we are frail and fully human, there is confidence that we are who we are, all the time. Nothing lurking in corners. That is foundation on which to stand and shelter in which to rest and the rooms in which such precious memories reside.

And the miracle is that I have it every single day of my life.