Patience pays

Or maybe it's just inertia. But after what feels like much longer than six weeks of negotiations (probably because there were six months of anticipatory worry preceding it), as of Friday afternoon I have four months of a reasonably better job deal. Four months was the best that my bosses at two jobs and I could put on paper. I have a lot of ambivalence about this process - there are things about these jobs that tug and pull at me, both in what I'm doing in my work life, and in the working relationships and long friendships that I hope to preserve.

The patience part was simply that I made my demand and then I waited until it happened. It was without exertion but not without effort.

For now, it's just a matter of these next few months should at least bring some relief in not having to work days, nights and weekends just to get by. It will basically be the equivalent of one full-time job, with some extra hours here and there as both businesses have pressing demands. There is a small retirement benefit, some leave, no health coverage. But one of the biggest consequences to my health has just been the fact that I've just been working constantly, so this will help.

All cards will be thrown into the air again in January.

I didn't feel the relief until just a little while ago, in the small hours of Sun morning. My mom is spending the weekend with Becky out in Palmer, to give them a chance for a visit before my mom return East next month, and to give me some caretaker respite. After running around today doing various things, I was tired and thought I'd lie down for a few minutes before feeding Hunter, and I didn't wake up for over two hours. Woke up feeling that all the strength had gone out of me, in a physically over-exerted, nauseated way - a feeling I recognize as when all the fright/flight hormones have begun to dissipate. I held my furry dog and the tears I've been holding in on various scales finally started to seep out a little - something I haven't had the privacy to indulge in a long while. But unfortunately the habit of containing it has become pretty strong, as I couldn't just cut loose either to get it all out of my system. I imagine that's where all this blood pressure stuff has come from over the last few months. And I would think that will come right once I am actually living alone again.