Doctor's orders

So Holly and I both went to our respective doctors today. Trying a different steroid with Holly to see whether it may (a) help her symptoms and (b) possibly point us toward another area of diagnosis (ruling out Addison's disease on top of everything else). She liked the ice cream cone on the way home better than the IM shot at the clinic. Her Inimitable Self also bit Dr. Ron when he gave her a cookie. Holly has gained 2 lbs and I felt really good about that as a QOL indicator. She has been stumbling and falling SO much lately and also constant night-wandering from dementia too. The last few nights I've given her tramadol to get her to relax and get some sleep and that seems to be working very well for us.

I did pretty well with my doctor too; I like that Dr. Mike is just like Dr. Ron in terms of being smart but practical, aware that my wallet doesn't have any health insurance cards in it, and always possessed of good general advice that can be employed on the spot. Bloodwork for me was long (years) overdue so that got taken care of, and I felt good about the visit overall and his assessment of what I need to do over the next 12-18 months to repair the damage of the last few years.

Until I got home later and checked email, and found a note from the doc that some of the bloodwork was back and not looking great. Will have to wait a week or so for further results, but most likely outcome is that my lupus is no longer in remission. I have known for a good long while that everything was not all right, but with the focus on taking care of Mom and without medical coverage, I made the conscious choice to set it aside. So now maybe some answers will come, and maybe they won't be the worst answers either. I have lived with lupus before and I hope I can do it again, and despite the possibilities that life will entirely change, that might actually be much better an outcome than the second possibility the doctor is pursuing.

There was a time when I would have angsted myself over just the wait for answers, let alone the outcome. But instead just pulled in supports; Kari had actually called me about something else just as I had opened that email so there was a friend right there in the moment. Once we were done talking, I called family members briefly - it was good to hear Beverly's voice lifting me up in prayer, and to hear Matthew say "I've got your back" before he hung up the phone.

I will not fear the future when God is already there.